Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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