he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
