This dress was meant to end up on your floor
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
