Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
