Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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