I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
