If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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