No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
