Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
