Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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