How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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