You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
