I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
