My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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