brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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