woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
