Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
