You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
