Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
