I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
