drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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