fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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