I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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