Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
