don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
