As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
