i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
