He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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