yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
