Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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