i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are two peas in an std pod
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
