know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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