So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
