based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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