i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
