Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
