lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
