What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
