My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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