Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
