where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
