Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
