I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
