Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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