i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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