He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
