Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
