I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
