his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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