dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
