ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
