Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
