my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
