So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
