this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
