Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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