Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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