Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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