Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
should my penis look like a turkey
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
