i don't plan on having that self control this summer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
