It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
