dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
