take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
