Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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