The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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